Table Edge Novelties

Blog

  • Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    Holiday Hours: Whenever the Sun Moves

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a warehouse mostly made of boxes is not a bug. It is the product.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.

  • Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count

    Behind the Scenes: The Great Inventory Count

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Gift Guide: Things They Will Ignore

    Nobody tells you this when you start out, but the real work begins around a loyalty program that pays in headbutts.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a returns policy enforced by staring is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    A Day in the Life of Our Quality Control Cat

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a shipping department located under the couch is not a bug. It is the product.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    Our Returns Policy, Explained With Hissing

    A reader wrote in this week with a question that deserves a serious answer, so here is an unserious one.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Our standard approach involves a warehouse mostly made of boxes, followed by a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    If you have questions, our office hours are three to four in the morning, or whenever we feel like it.

  • Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    Customer Service Is Currently Napping

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    Our team did a careful study. By study we mean someone knocked it off the table to see what would happen.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    At Table Edge Novelties, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.

  • How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    How We Choose Our Products (A Cat Sits On Them)

    At Table Edge Novelties, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    The old guard prefers a returns policy enforced by staring. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    If you take only one thing from this, take this: a warehouse mostly made of boxes is not a bug. It is the product.

    Experts agree that a shipping department located under the couch is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    In summary: act confidently, deny everything, and always keep a clear route to the nearest box.