Table Edge Novelties

Category: Product Notes

  • Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Announcing Our Loyalty Program (Treats Required)

    Every client eventually asks us the same thing, and the honest answer is always a long, flat stare.

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a shipping department located under the couch, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    As always, results may vary, fur may transfer, and the management accepts no responsibility for the hairball.

  • Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    Why Everything We Sell Ends Up on the Floor

    We have been doing this for what feels like nine lives, and we are still not sure who is in charge.

    Experts agree that a loyalty program that pays in headbutts is essential. Experts also agree that this is a very long way of asking for a snack.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    Our standard approach involves a loyalty program that pays in headbutts, followed by a returns policy enforced by staring, followed by a brief and unexplained sprint.

    The old guard prefers a shipping department located under the couch. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    Thank you for reading, and please do not leave anything on the edge of a surface. You know why.

  • Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    Shipping Updates From a Warehouse Full of Boxes

    At Table Edge Novelties, we try to keep things simple, which means we complicate them and then take a nap.

    Naturally there was a committee. Naturally the committee was a pile of boxes, and naturally one box was occupied.

    The Short Version, Told Slowly

    The old guard prefers a warehouse mostly made of boxes. The new guard prefers whatever is on the other side of the door.

    We asked a customer for feedback. They looked at us, blinked slowly, and left a single hair on the form.

    That is all for now. We are told there is a sunbeam going to waste, and a professional never lets that happen.